| Editor's note: REAL CYBERPUNKS DON'T EAT QUICHE...CLOTHING - Real cyberpunks can wear anything futuristic if they are funky and excentric enaugh. - Real cyberpunks wear military surplus clothing, non-neoncolored Gortex, bluejeans, boots (combat or motorycle), Factsheet-5 T-Shirts, and kilts (on formal occasions). - Real cyberpunks don't shop at Banana Republic or the "Mainframe" clothing section at Sears. - Real cyberpunks have the balls to go to Thrift Shops. Corollary to the above: Anyone who makes fun of a cyberpunk shopping at a thrift shop usually winds up in ICU. COMPUTERS - Real cyberpunks that have the $$$ use 300Mhz's and faster putters. - Real cyberpunks that don't have the $$$ use whatever the hell they can get ahold of. - Real cyberpunks think C is cute for a fuck-around language. - Real cyberpunks think of the Amiga as a cute toy. - Real cyberpunk SYSOPS run Stonehenge. CARS - Real cyberpunks drive whatever they can afford. - Real cyberpunks never drive an unmodified vehicle. - Real cyberpunks think Audi, BMW, and Mercedes cars serve best as rocket launcher targets. - Real cyberpunks who can afford them drive something with a V-8. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks go to every police auction in their area. TECH - All real cyberpunks have their ham license. - Real cyberpunks know the difference between a resistor and a capacitor. - Real cyberpunks know where to get tech cheap in their area. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks practically live at their local surplus store. - Real cyberpunks think Radio Shack sucks, but still buy from there because it's convenient. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks put pragmatism before principle. - Real cyberpunks always carry a Leatherman Tool. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a Leatherman Tool is. - Real cyberpunks own a dual-band HT. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a dual-band HT is. Corollary to the corollary: Real cyberpunks have hosed McDonalds at least once. - Real cyberpunks know how use a TDR. Corollary to the above: The have also managed to get ahold of one for free. POLITICS & LAW - Real cyberpunks think all politicians should be castrated. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks are libertarians. - Real cyberpunks have copies of their state's law statues. - Real cyberpunks know the difference between the Declaration of Independence and The Constitution. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what both of those say. - Real cyberpunks don't get caught. KNOWLEDGE - Real cyberpunks read Mondo2000, 2600, Factsheet-5, Full Disclosure, Iron Feather Journal, Cybertek, Radio Electronics, Circuit Cellar Ink, Computer Shopper, American Survival Guide, and any 'zines about local bands in their area. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks understand what they read in these publications. - Real cyberpunks learn about everything from Computers to Crossbows. - Real cyberpunks know how to spell (sometimes). - Real cyberpunks speak at least 2 languages. WEAPONS - Real cyberpunks don't have the typical yuppie artfag fear of weapons that most modem users seem to have. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know the value of useful equipment. - Real cyberpunks own at least one gun. - Real cyberpunks carry Gerber, Cold Steel, SOG, AlMar, or Spyderco blades. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think custom steel is neat, but costs too much. - Real cyberpunks have memorized The Improvised Munitions Black Book. - Real cyberpunks know The Anarchist Cookbook is a crock of shit. - Real cyberpunks buy everything authored by Seymour Lecker and Kurt Saxon. - Real cyberpunks keep a supply of DMSO handy. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what DMSO is. MUSIC - Real cyberpunks go to The Mentors' concerts whenever they can. - Real cyberpunks think C&C Music Factory is just a bunch of out-of-the-closet homosexuals. - Real cyberpunks don't listen to Paula Abdul. - Real cyberpunks think Michael Jackson should be napalmed. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think Michael Jackson is a reincarnate of his monkey Bubbles. - Real cyberpunks think Top-40 sucks. - In the end, real cyberpunks listen to whatever the fuck they want. PHREAKING & HACKING - Real cyberpunks think codes are for fags, but use them anyway because they put pragmatism before principle. - Real cyberpunks know what TEMPEST means. - Real cyberpunks use data-taps. - Real cyberpunks have Internet access. - Real cyberpunks know why Broadway Hacker invited everyone to his house. - Real cyberpunks know what PPS really means. - Real cyberpunks know Clifford Stoll's ex-wife is a lesbian. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know that Clifford Stoll is an asshole. - Real cyberpunks know just how good friends John Maxfield and Broadway Hacker are. - Real cyberpunks know who John Maxfield is and what he was arrested for. - Real cyberpunks own a blue box, and still use it. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a blue box is, and know how to use it. - Real cyberpunks know what a TS-21 is. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks stole their TS-21. - Real cyberpunks have acquired a Bell System hard-hat. - Real cyberpunks have a payphone. Corollary to the above: The payphone belongs to someone else. - Real cyberpunks on the east coast have attended at least one 2600 meeting. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks who have attended a 2600 meeting don't go to them anymore. Corollary to the corollary: Real cyberpunks are waiting for another OSUNY meeting. Further corollary: Real cyberpunks know what OSUNY originally stood for. HEALTH - Drugs, drugs and DRUGS FOOD & DRINK - Real cyberpunks drink Jolt. Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think Pepsi is for artfags. - Real cyberpunks are intimately familiar with the selection at 7-Eleven, but avoid it whenever possible. - Real cyberpunks know how to cook. - Real cyberpunks drink Guinness Stout. - Real cyberpunks who are under 21 distill their own. - Real cyberpunks can go to a Supermarket and not get lost. Brought to you
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